Unsteady
by chairship
Summary: A series of macaron sized one-shots focused on the themes of loss, love, and comfort featuring our favorite OTP, Chuck and Blair. X Ambassadors "Unsteady" was the initial inspiration for the first one-shot of the series.
1. Chapter 1

"Unsteady" by X Ambassadors

If you love me, don't let go  
If you love me, don't let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady  
Hold, hold on, hold onto me  
'Cause I'm a little unsteady  
A little unsteady

 **Summary: Chuck comforting Blair on the 1 year anniversary of the death of the child he would have loved as his own.**

She woke before the sun rose. She could feel Chuck's strong arms wrapped around her waist and his warm, solid chest anchoring her small frame. Chuck's embrace provided her with a lifeline. A lifeline she desperately needed today. The gentle sound of his steady breathing was in sharp contrast to the deep sadness fiercely threatening to engulf her.

She recalled the day she buried her baby. The baby she and Chuck were going to raise together. The baby he was going to love as much as her. Tiny casket, the size of a shoe box. Gleaming in deep mahogany, dwarfed by surrounding pale pink peonies.

Her name would have been Isadora.

Blair had moved through that day as if in a haze. Her senses were dulled and selectively attuned at the same time. She recalled the sickly sweet smell of incense during the final commendation. Louis and his stoic profile flanked by his mother and sister. The faint sound of the children's choir singing "Morning has Broken." The comforting squeeze of Serena's hand as she stood by her right side while Eleanor and Cyrus shielded her on the left. A blur of faces and sounds of sympathetic condolences. It was as if she saw the world behind smudged glass, but no matter how hard she rubbed, it refused to get clean. Everything was blurry. Everything except for that tiny casket. The aching body that was supposed to carry her sweet baby girl was now replaced by a cold, hard mahogany box. The image of this lifeless vessel was the only thing in sharp focus.

She did not cry that day. She simply felt a hollowness deep in her chest which was being pressed up against by the heaviness of a broken heart. Her entire being shrouded by a heavy blanket of grief. Suffocating her. This was compounded by the emptiness she felt knowing that he could not be there with her. And that she had to let him go so that she did not lose him like she lost her, _their,_ little girl.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Sensing Blair's distress, Chuck woke. He pulled her tightly to him. With every point of contact, he showed her that she was not alone. He kissed the single tear away, replacing it with feather light kisses and softly murmured, "I miss her too."

Later that day, he asked her to accompany him to the duck pond. At first she shook her head no. He persuaded her by sharing that this was how he would have liked to spend the day as a family if Isadora was still with them. Her eyes shined with new tears that threatened to spill and she nodded her head in agreement. He kissed her gently on the forehead and helped her with her coat.

As they rounded the path and approached the pond, Blair noticed an addition to the landscape. A tiny lavender rose tree greeted her. The blooms appeared to wave at her, welcoming her. As she got closer, she noticed a miniature engraved plaque at the base with the words:

"You will always be adored. Love, Mommy & Daddy"

At that moment, Blair finally released the tears she had been fiercely holding while Chuck enveloped her in a tight embrace. His tears mixed freely with hers as he kissed her forehead, eyelids, and cheeks. He tasted the salt from her tears, or were they his? Together they held each other, remembering their little girl while a few lavender petals fell gracefully to the ground.

xoxo

A/N: Thank you to the wonderful scarlett2u for her excellent beta skills and words of encouragement. To my readers, thank you for taking the time to read my work, I appreciate you. And, I _may_ be adding a couple more one shots incorporating the "Unsteady" theme if inspiration continues. Maybe more angst, possibly a little lightness. We shall see…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: A young Blair makes it her mission for Chuck to actually celebrate his birthday. The origins of a certain signature scarf are uncovered.**

Blair Waldorf _loved_ her birthday. For as long as she could remember, a year older meant a grand celebration complete with theme, sought after invitations, a one-of-a-kind Waldorf Designs original, a custom made jeweled headband, stacks of elegantly wrapped presents, a luxurious cake adorned with brightly lit candles, chic party favor bags filled with trinkets and her favorite Ladurée macarons. Envious looks of worship from her many minions, and birthday wishes from all of her party revelers were just the icing on the proverbial birthday cake.

As she sat in class, she smiled to herself as she reminisced about her most recent gala event. Her 14th birthday celebration was the social event of the fall and people were still talking about it two months later. Just thinking about it caused her body to buzz with excitement. Her mind began to wander and she thought about whose birthday was next and if it would rival her own.

The corners of her lips turned down as she realized Chuck's birthday was fast approaching, and just like every year, she anticipated him ignoring it. It was as if he willed for the day to cease existing altogether. She became lost in thought.

Chuck, her partner-in-scheme, regardless of his smarmy comments and behavior, always presented her with the most perfect and thoughtful gift. She fondly recalled her 10th birthday when Chuck proudly bestowed upon her an exquisitely crafted tiara modeled after the sparkling one Audrey Hepburn wore in _Roman Holiday_. It was as if he could anticipate what she most desired. Nate, on the other hand, always seemed to miss the mark. But Chuck? He never disappointed.

They were in sync in so many ways: the same dark hair and eyes, a shared love of power, a passion for the utter social destruction of identified enemies, and a kindred darkness that only the other could ever truly understand.

But, when it came to birthdays, they were the complete opposite. Whereas November was marked with an energetic and enthusiastic Blair, January was marked with an increasingly sullen and withdrawn Chuck. She would often notice waves of sadness flitting across his face when he thought no one was looking. Of course, she knew why every January 19th was so difficult for him. His birthday marked the anniversary of his mother's death.

The ringing of the bell shook her out of her reverie and she quickly disengaged from the whispers of sadness slowly creeping over her. With a sigh and a toss of her brown curls, she picked up her books and headed to her next class.

Later, she observed him leaning against the school corridor and noticed his preoccupied look as he feigned interest in the conversation between Nate and a couple of St. Jude's upperclassmen. Nate noticed his girlfriend and waved casually. Chuck shifted and caught Blair's gaze. His initial faraway look quickly dissipated and he acknowledged her with an arch of his brow and that trademark smirk.

She smirked back, turned and walked away, eyes lighting up as an idea sprung to mind. This year would be different. Blair Waldorf raised her chin and decided to make it her mission for Chuck Bass to celebrate his birthday. And, as everyone knew, once Blair Waldorf put her mind to something, she was destined to succeed.

Delicate white snowflakes fell from the sky as she walked through the Palace doors. She tapped lightly on room 1812. No response. She knocked more loudly and with authority raised her voice, "Bass, I know you're in there!" She tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for him to open the door.

After a couple of seconds, a dark haired boy with matching eyes drew back the door. With a glint in his eye upon seeing her, he drawled, "Waldorf, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Bass, I've decided to take you out. Grab your coat. Today's your birthday and we are going to celebrate." He looked at her quizzically, but grudgingly decided to shrug on his coat. She reached out her delicate hand and led him out of the Palace gates with a fierce determination.

The limo turned the corner and arrived at Serendipity. Upon being seated, Blair turned to the waiter and pronounced, "I made arrangements for a custom birthday dessert for Mr. Bass." He acknowledged her statement with a courteous nod. A few moments later, he returned and presented Chuck with the most decadent dessert he had ever beheld, the Golden Opulence Sundae.

Chuck slowly turned the goblet-shaped container. It revealed three scoops of Tahitian vanilla bean ice cream, Amedei Porcelana chocolate syrup, chunks of rich, exotic chocolate, candied fruits, gold covered almonds, truffles and marzipan cherries all enveloped in 23-carat gold leaf. This confection was accompanied by a sparkling crystal bowl filled with golden caviar orbs. And, instead of the trademark gilded sugar flower adornment, the luscious dessert was topped by a complementary purple sugar bow tie dusted with gold flecks. Chuck took in the luxurious golden treat, raised his eyebrows in slight surprise, and looked at Blair.

"Happy birthday, Bass. I thought you deserved a dessert as perfectly accessorized as you."

"Well, this is quite the dessert, Waldorf, thank you," he said with an amused grin. He handed her one of the two spoons.

As they finished the last few mouthfuls, Blair shifted slightly to pull out a medium-sized package from her Louis Vuitton. She gracefully placed the elegantly wrapped present covered in deep shades of thick aubergine paper and wide gold satin ribbon in front of him. A tiny card inscribed with Blair's elegant handwriting was attached. It read:

Birthdays are meant to be celebrated, not ignored.

And, today, I celebrate you.

Happy birthday, Bass.

-B

Chuck quickly dismissed the lump forming in his throat. He slowly undid the ribbon and took his time unwrapping the fine paper. Upon lifting the lid, Chuck beheld a luxurious patchwork silk scarf in hues of rich red and maroon, deep blue, and creamy white. He glanced up at Blair with an appreciative look in his eyes.

"Do you like it?" He nodded. Her ruby red lips turned up at the corners and her eyes sparkled. "I saw this and heard it say, 'I'm Chuck Bass,'" she said imitating the deeper tones of his voice. He softly chuckled.

He ran his fingers over the silken fabric reverently, pulled it out, and carefully draped it around his neck. Blair reached over and adjusted the scarf ever so slightly, briefly brushing his fingers as she did so. She was surprised at the electric charge she felt as they made contact. She quickly ignored it. "Perfect," she declared with a smile.

He returned her smile with a genuine one of his own and quietly uttered, "Thank you, Waldorf. This is a birthday I actually don't mind celebrating."

Chuck thoughtfully regarded the brunette in front of him, noticing the satisfied look in her chocolate brown eyes and the smile that reached her eyes. And, as he did so, he also noticed a not so unfamiliar fluttering sensation deep within his chest.

xoxo

A/N: When I first started writing this piece, I had every intention of creating an angst filled fic. But, Blair's enthusiasm for birthdays quickly led me in another direction. I hope you like how it turned out. And, a special shout out to scarlett2u and her amazing beta skills. Your words of encouragement and editorial eye are so appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Monkey**

 **Summary: Chuck says goodbye to his beloved Monkey.**

Growing up as only children, Chuck and Blair could never quite imagine what it would be like having a larger family. And now with three mini Basses of their own, they couldn't imagine life without them. All three sported their father's smirk (especially at their most mischievous) and had inherited their mother's intelligence and clever wit. Henry, age 9, and twins, James and Emmeline, ages 5 (with the former proudly proclaiming himself the eldest by six minutes, thank you very much), were their pride and joy.

But, Chuck and Blair both knew it was Monkey who had paved the way in providing them with the practice and confidence they needed to truly believe they could take care of someone outside of each other or themselves.

Monkey was _especially_ important to Chuck.

Monkey appeared at a time when Chuck was broken, both psychologically and emotionally. He helped Chuck heal, become a better man. He provided Chuck with a glimmer into what unwavering loyalty, unconditional love, and steadfast companionship could actually look like. Caring for Monkey exercised parts of his heart that were typically hidden from the world: Innocent playfulness. Devotion without manipulation. And unadulterated happiness.

These parts became stronger simply through the act of taking care of this furry creature. Monkey, who asked for nothing in return (well, except for his daily meal of prime rib and walks in Central Park), helped Chuck become the man and father he was today. And Chuck would be forever grateful.

" _Mr. and Mrs. Bass, I'm sorry to say the prognosis is not good. After performing the most recent x-rays, it is clear the cancer has spread. We'll need to discuss the next steps, which include some very difficult decisions."_

Blair glanced up at Chuck as his grip tightened around her fingers. She noticed his jaw flex. She recognized that look in his eyes. Blair was all too familiar with Chuck's automatic response to loss. The walls were quickly going up and he was retreating. She responded by tightening her grasp, willing him to stay with her. She realized she needed to hold him up today.

She shifted her gaze to Dr. Lee and proceeded to ask the questions Chuck was not able to voice. Chuck barely heard the ensuing conversation. It was as if his ears were muffled by the roaring sounds of the ocean, the pounding of his heart. However, in between crashing waves, he was able to pick up the following pieces of conversation:

" _How long will he be with us?" "A week, possibly a month."_

" _Is he in pain?"_ _"Because there are tumors throughout, his body is beginning to shut down. You have already seen impairment with his mobility. Soon his eating and drinking will be affected. At this point, it's about considering his quality of life."_

" _How soon do we need to decide?" "I recommend you take this evening to talk with your husband about next steps."_

With the doctor's response to her last question, Blair turned to Chuck. He nodded imperceptibly and Blair's eyes filled with tears. She squeezed his hand and wrapped her arm around his waist as she led him out of the sterile office.

In the waiting room, the Bass children waited nervously for their parents. At the sound of the door opening, Monkey lifted his sweet head off Henry's shoes, tail slowly thumping the hard linoleum floor as he wearily but warmly greeted his Chuck and Blair. The children looked expectantly at their parents, a flash of hope in their dark eyes. The hope was quickly extinguished as soon as they noticed the forlorn looks in their parents' eyes.

Henry's face fell. "No," he groaned as he wrapped his arms tightly around his beloved Monkey, pressing his face against his warm fur. The twins began to cry, James with silent tears rolling down his cheeks, Emmy with shoulders shuddering and choked sobs.

In the limo, Blair leaned her head against Chuck's left shoulder while he stared out the window, gently rubbing Monkey's weary head with his right hand. As he gazed at his city, Chuck's mind wandered back to the first moment he met Monkey.

The love of his life was lost to him. He had let her go because he wanted her to be happy. But he wasn't. Chuck went through the motions of the new normal he called his life, but physically and emotionally, he was utterly numb. Monkey was Dan Humphrey's (of all people!) attempt at making Chuck feel during a very dark period in his life.

When he initially met Monkey, Chuck didn't know how to react to the ball of fur staring up at him. A creature with deep brown eyes filled with curiosity, dark floppy ears, and a mottled mass of brown and grayish-black fur. This animal of unknown pedigree was a far cry from the designer dogs and purse pooches that were associated with the Upper East Side. But Chuck stared back into those keen eyes and from that first moment, he began to feel a slow warmth embrace his chest. A feeling he had not experienced in a very long time.

Every day with Monkey was a step towards Chuck's healing. Monkey was the first being in Chuck's life who wholeheartedly chose to stay. Abandonment was a non-issue, both physically and emotionally. Monkey was the one to initially comfort Chuck when the love of his life told him that she was pregnant with another man's baby. Monkey loved Chuck unconditionally and demonstrated this every single day. He gave Chuck purpose and became more than just a pet, he became family.

The night before the inevitable, Chuck realized sleep was not an option. He softly whispered to Blair that he needed some time alone with Monkey. She nodded up at him and gently stroked his jaw. She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. He gazed at her lovingly with sad eyes and tucked a stray curl behind her ears. He slowly turned and crawled out of bed. He quietly descended the stairs and wandered over to Monkey's bed. He slowly lowered himself down so as not to disrupt his beloved friend's sleep, but was instantly greeted by cloudy yet warm eyes.

"Hey, Monkey," he said softly.

Monkey licked his master's cheek with his rough tongue while Chuck gently rubbed his soft furry head. Chuck stared at his face for a few long moments and felt a lump forming in his own throat. He noticed the grey hairs sprinkled around his old friend's eyes, nose, and chin. He noted the labored breaths and the enlarged lumps around his neck and belly.

Chuck realized the old familiar walls of protection that shielded him against impending feelings of loss were no longer built with the impervious brick and mortar of his youth. Instead the walls quickly crumbled and Chuck realized the many things he needed to say to his dearest friend. Chuck began to tear up, feelings of gratitude overcoming him, and words began tumbling from his lips.

"Thank you, Monkey, for being such a good and loyal boy. Thank you for being there when I needed you most. Thank you for encouraging me to get out of bed when all I wanted to do was drown in my own self-hate and loathing. Thank you for helping me feel again. Thank you for needing me. Thank you for loving Blair. Thank you for protecting and loving Henry, James, and Emmy. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being in my life." He choked out the last words. Tears began to fall from the corners of Chuck's eyes and his throat became thick with emotion. Monkey stared into Chuck's eyes, sniffed his cheek with his wet nose, and licked the tears away.

 _1 month later_

The Bass family wandered to the lavender rose tree at the edge of the duck pond. Their beloved tree was in full bloom, its sweet fragrance perfuming the air. As their tears fell, Chuck gently sprinkled Monkey's ashes. The ashes joined the scattered lavender petals surrounding the base of the tree. Chuck, Blair and each of the Bass children uttered a few words of goodbye.

 _Monkey, make sure you give Isadora plenty of kisses when you see her. We know she'll be so happy to see you._

 _She'll take you on plenty of walks!_

 _And, maybe you'll finally be able to catch those crazy squirrels._

 _Take good care of each other until we see you both again._

 _We miss you and love you two so very much._

Blair reached out for Chuck's hand, put it to her lips and gently squeezed it with her own, reminding him that she was there for him. He smiled at her with sad eyes, brushed her lips softly and whispered, "Monkey was such a good boy." She nodded in agreement. They both hugged the kids and proceeded to take a commemorative walk on Monkey's favorite path, taking sorrowful note of the missing sound of jingling tags and padded footsteps.

xoxo

A/N: Dedicated to all of you who have loved and been loved by a furry friend. IMO, Monkey truly helped save Chuck during a very dark time in his life. And, I think many of us who have been fortunate enough to have experienced the love of a pet, know how they are amazing sources of support, love and comfort. Special thanks to my wonderful beta scarlett2u! *Hugs*


End file.
